A Sacred Place

“Everyone needs a place where it is just you. It can be creative, it can be a computer – it can be anything. It is your sacred place and you own it.”   Toni Morrison

When I read this I immediately could identify my own sacred place which is my desk (also serves as my eating place when I have company).  This is an area piled high with books set at odd angles to each other, a notebook with a selection of pens, post-its and a highlighter nearby.

I walk by it many times a day and sigh when I pass because it appears unorganized but when I sit down and enter the space I am lost in a good way into its possibilities. There are poems to complete, my journal which always needs attention and various books with their passages marked for me to contemplate further.

 Yet often, while I occupy my place, my thoughts run in circles and at the end of the day I can easily be left with feelings of numbness. Ideas have raced for hours but there is no finish line. No sense of completeness. I decided I needed to take my reading and writing up a notch and create a steady outcome.

One way to do this was get into blogging. “But who will even bother to read your blog,” my alter ego asked. I had to admit this voice created tension as I am a social person who has always received enjoyment and satisfaction in the company of others.  But the truth was I did receive satisfaction when I posted a blog on my website and it had nothing to do whether my post was going to be read by anyone.

Where did this satisfaction come from?

Process theology speaks of two aspects of divine activity in the world:  the “creative love of God” and the “responsive love of God.”  Theologian Catherine Keller calls the first the divine passion.*  God sends a “lure” into me; it is an invitation which says something like, “Do something with all that you are reading. Make it come to actualization outside your immediate experience.” I take up this challenge and write a blog posting. God then takes into himself what I have done. Keller says that he feels my feelings with compassion.  John 10:10 invites us to “have life, and have it abundantly.”The desire of God, then, is for life and more life; he urges me on to work more towards actualizing or putting into print my ideas.  

When I bring my thoughts to fruition on the written page, is God is enjoying himself through me? Does this result in feelings of personal satisfaction in my soul?

If so, this is ample recompense for my efforts. I don’t need the approval of future readers of my blog to keep posting.

Now, with all this in mind, I look with affection at my messy desk. There is no need to straighten or put away anything.

  * Catherine Keller, On the Mystery: Discerning God in Process (Minneapolis: Fortress, 2008), 98

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A Certain Age

being a certain age
means knowing
that many paths were started
then abandoned

names can be good or bad
though one’s own name
seems solid enough

on my street
large maple leaves
bury the asphalt
every October

though
wearing blue reminds me
of another home where
no streets are needed

I buy yellow roses,
watch them
burst outward, sun-like,
then fall apart

my life is in my name,
my age, places, my things
I am watchful in all my stages,
and the next moment
will hold what
has always been
and from where
the future
steers a course

where am I not?

only 
where kindness
is absent
and love refuses its mission
to be everything
and walks
are not taken

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God in the Possibilities

Alfred North Whitehead

At the Vancouver School of Theology I have just completed a course on Process Theology. I love that word “process” because it reminds me that that is how I like to live my own life. One event leads me to another; my circle of living expands to ever greater complexity and richness and enjoyment like the journeying in a spiral.

Process Theology is influenced by the writings of the British mathematician and philosopher, Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947). Whitehead believed that time was not a single smooth flow, but that it comes into being in little droplets. Each droplet or event is influenced by the past and will influence the future, yet every moment is new and none can be repeated.

Where is God in all of this? It is best to start with what God is not. God is not an unchanging Absolute, a divine lawgiver who keeps records of offences in order to punish transgressors. For Whitehead, God is intimately related and responsive to the world though he does not control world events. In every event of our lives there is a space into which God pours possibilities which we can experience as restlessness, a barrage of uncomfortable feelings. God also provides an “initial aim,” an impulse to actualize the best possibility. From the vast array of possibilities we are free to choose our own motives for any action.

As I write this I am fidgety. I want to take a break and go make myself some coffee. I could also turn on the TV to relax for a bit or I could go for a walk to look at the sun setting over the water. These are some of my possibilities. I also experience another possibility. I could instead press on and write a little more and I determine that this is the best action to take.  When I think about it I have had enough coffee for the day and, as I’ve not had a stressful day, I do not need to relax.   

As I continue to write, I experience enjoyment and satisfaction. I wonder if this is God’s gift to me for following his best possibility which I have determined is also my best possibility?

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Waiting

 Ecclesiastes  by Gustav Dore

we watch and wait
cars follow their leaders;
the people walk
their journeys and talk;
the snow falls
from its beginnings
turns to rain;
now rain falls
as the sun descends
behind the clouds;
shadows fall
into streams;
all the streams
run into the sea
but the sea is never full

Qoholeth says, ‘All is vanity”
so we watch and wait
as what goes up comes down;
there seems nothing new
under the sun.

we watch and wait

what else is there to do
but send our bread
out upon the waters?

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San Francisco

with Sonia and Karen

I returned last week from a trip to San Francisco. I was inspired to go by a new poet-friend, Bonnie, who told me that she has visited this beautiful city upwards of 20 times. She likes to travel here by herself even though she has oodles of friends that would accompany her, no problem, plus she has a husband and a ten year old.  She prefers the freedom that comes when travelling alone;  you can see what you want when you want.

a different kind of fountain -- near the Ferry Building

a different kind of fountain -- near the Ferry Building

City Lights Bookstore founded in 1953 by the Beat poet Lawrence Ferlinghetti

I stayed with my friend, Sonia, in her beautiful craftsman home near Berkeley (“Berzerkly”) with its airy, indoor food markets, clothing, pottery and jewellery stores. The atmosphere harkens back to the 60s though everything is decidedly upscale (not one sign of a funky tie-tied T-shirt anywhere). On my last day in the area, another friend Karen (from nearby Livermore) joined us for my one walk around the neighbourhood which revealed stucco and wood-trimmed houses, each one different with flowers growing everywhere in profusion. A lush garden of Eden!

Bay Bridge -- between Oakland and San Francisco

My first venture into San Francisco was on the BART metro. I had arranged a nine hour tour in a small bus with a guide leaving from the Ferry Building. This was the most efficient way to see a lot without the neck strain of having to deal with maps and bus schedules. The day was cold and foggy (hence my many grey-tinged photos) with people walking around in scarves and wool coats – in July! I learned that the best months for summer weather were September and October. I saw the usual sights with a trip over the Golden Gate into Sausalito and the John Muir Woods with its thousand year old first-growth redwoods. 

The Bank of Canton in Chinatown

The next days were more leisurely as I travelled by cable car and bus to some of the same places I  had been  before.                                                                     

As many of you know I travel around by bus in Vancouver and like it. I can zip myself into my personal space here and travel undisturbed all over the place with journeys taking about 15 minutes longer than if I had gone by car.

not much to see of Sausalito

In San Francisco the lives of bus riders spill over. I sat by the aisle in a bus with a boy who was grasping the poles in front and behind me with both his hands. He had his mouth two inches away from my ear as he chattered excitedly to his mother all he knew about animals. They appeared to be on their way to the Zoo. On one of the side-seats at the front of the bus sat a man whose smile was somewhat off-kilter. He had a rangy black cat in his arms and was calling for people come over and take a look. At the side door I heard two black people. I assumed (wrongly) that they already knew each other. The woman, strong and heavyset, was trying to convince a man that he had to come with her and march for the rights of the poor at a rally starting soon. He was explaining this was not on his itinerary for the day although he was supportive of this cause. She had a wave and broad smile for him as she got off the bus. Her parting words to him were that she will continue to speak about and fight for the impoverished “every day and in every way”.  Such tenacity…and so many dramas on a ride that could not have lasted more than ten minutes.   

This triptych altar in Grace Cathedral is by Keith Haring who died of AIDS is full of winged souls flying about joyfully. A man standing nearby commented to me that he recognized Haring's style but found the subject matter of the piece hard to believe knowing of Haring's lifestyle in New York. My first thought was that perhaps the artist found religion when he was close to death.

Clearly I’ll have to go back to visit this vibrant city. No way can one person see it all in five days.                                                 

Even after twenty visits Bonnie claims there is always still more to experience.

" A fine place this to forget weariness and wrongs and bad business" John Muir

an amazing plane ride back on a clear day with a view of an Oregon mountain

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A Trip to Japan

Shinto Shrine

There is a difference of 16 hours between Japan and Vancouver but I experienced little jet lag when I returned home to Canada on the 10th of May. Perhaps this was because my mind was occupied with sifting through my many travel experiences and there was no room for the lethargy that usually accompanies such long distance flights. There were so many new impressions and I will share just a few of them now.

The day after my return I walked my familiar streets again I was struck by the amount of S P A C E in Canada.  In Japan everything is compact. The leaves on the trees are smaller. One my first day in Fukuoka I stood under a tree and looked upward, the tiny maple leaves appeared as bright green stars against the blue sky. The nearby gingko tree also had small leaves.  In western Japan where I travelled I did not come across any big empty wilderness areas.  Even while walking a country road I felt the presence of the many others from the past who had walked the same path and stone buddhas, with recent offerings of cut flowers and placed everywhere, kept me company as well.

 

The Japanese people are small and mostly slim.  Many men wear suits and ties and the woman dress up; I didn’t see any of them in the towns I visited wearing sweats or sneakers. City streets and subway stations are crowded at all hours. In public places large numbers of people move in streams past each other like schools of fish. One’s eventual destination will arrive in its own time as if on a conveyor belt – haste towards anything is unseemly and unnecessary.

Hiroshima

It was strange to see the people bow often to each other. The etiquette surrounding the bowing (length and depth of the bow) is complex and depends on class differences, age, sex, and previous dealings between the two.  After an early morning bath in a natural hot spring in Unzen, I took a walk outside.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a young man (wearing a dark suit and tie) who was riding a black bike uphill. He was travelling on the road in the same direction and, as he passed me, he made a short bow.  Such bowing was so apparently entrenched in his habit body and it did matter that our eyes did not meet.

Before I left for Japan, my friend Linda said to me, “You’ll find the customs there so different” It was true!  Books have been written about the life of the people of Japan and their many-faceted view of themselves. I’m reading one of them right now. Its title is The Chrysanthemum and the Sword by Ruth Benedict.

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Voice of the Kyoto Peony

the people sit
encircling the peony;
its pink fullness
ready to burst but,
for now , it is
mute and
ready

the peony listens
considers the
words it hears,
dropping first
one petal
then
   others

the people leave;
a young man
enters the room,
stacks chairs,
picks up
the petals,
holds them while
he vacuums

carefully
he places
them
back   on the
floor,
    back in a
        different
place

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Cats

C A T S

ships with almond eyes
inscrutable and proud;
        they know the way
twisting and turning
jumping and landing
upright, with hulls
intact

as sea-going ships
cats blink away storms
        my dislike of them,
a black cloud for me,
is fair weather
for them

now, with open sails
and mouths they
draw near, 
        bendable boats
that weave and turn
around my legs

there are those who
love these cat-ships
        they ride with them
on life journeys
sharing secrets
that mean something

I choose to remain
        alone
back on land
with no wish
to learn to talk
to ships

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Salt and Pepper

 Recently a friend introduced me to the poems of the Haligonian poet, Don Domanski, who contemplates the everyday.  This becomes a launching pad which catapults him into musings about inner/outer space .  I looked for some time at the salt and pepper shakers on my friend’s dining room table and this poem arose:

 

Salt and Pepper

not needed by each other
they stand together, not touching
joined in their willingness
to meet our demand,
though no want for us
is carried by them

they are joined by
our need for their substance
our food, unseasoned
leaves us unsatisfied without them
and they wait together
for us to reach for them

forever      bride and groom
though never touching
they preside at our tables
and are made whole,
only through our wish
to be satisfied

      salt and pepper
and our tongues,
         a strange marriage bed

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Tulips

Can Spring be far behind?

In the newspapers there is great excitement in Vancouver with the upcoming Olympic winter games but if you talk to the average person on the street there is more enthusiasm for the mild (albeit rainy) weather we’ve been having.  Crocuses and snowdrops are up, early cherry trees are blooming and the other day I saw huge gorgeous white blossoms on a camillia tree in the West End.  

One of my three favourite flowers is the tulip (the other two are roses and sunflowers).  Right about now I buy tulips in pots and watch them grow and to me they become more beautiful and more interesting as they die. This is a poem I wrote a few years ago:  

TULIPS  

I have been thinking
about living
like the lilies
that blow in the fields
                       Mary Oliver
 

I have been thinking
of living like the tulips,
freshly picked, in a vase
on my mantle
 

at first they stand very trim,
tight crimson buds
fringed with yellow;
proud little soldiers
 

after a week they
forget themselves
petals open and the stems
reach out,  longingly
 

fed by light, the pedal’s tips
have mellowed into cream and
the red has become translucent
 

I want to grow old like this
opened up and unafraid
let petals drop, leave them
where they fall
watch them curl
petals soft, even days
after they have fallen,
violet and indigo
 

when I am old
I want to lose
all my strength
   grow old

        without protest
 

 

Susan Koppersmith
 

  

    

 

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